The Shed

The Shed
The Shed

Monday, April 22, 2013

S is for...Steatopygian?

Yes it is. Steatopygian. There was ghetto booty well before there was a ghetto and we all remember the ancient National Geographic examples thereof.




Now, lest it be thought that anyone is mocking this body type we should hasten to point out that it is this form of femininity* which has been worshipped as the Earth Mother in many times, and in many lands. Thus, steatopygia was the very essence of feminine beauty as this pre-historic statuette so aptly displays.


BABY GOT BACK!

As does Ass Crack Rock, the neolithic monument located just outside of modern day Butte, Montana.


LOCATED ALL OVER THE NORTHWEST THE SPIRITUAL SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE MIGHTY MONOLITHIC  GLUTES HAS YET TO BE DETERMINED

Can we find our very own Earth Mothers in modern day America? Let us begin our quest right here at the shed. Oh, Farm Girl?

HMM. NO.

Better research thoroughly...



NO STEAT IN THAT SEAT!

Even when greeting the building inspector, we have to rule out Farm Girl as a modern day Earth Mother.


I GOT YOUR "LOCAL ORDINANCE" RIGHT HEAH!

No, we will have to look farther than Farm Girl for pre-historic perfection. 

Let's check out our roving reporter, Vida G. (Again!)


IT'S A DIRTY JOB

BUT DOG-GONE IT SOMEONE HAS TO STEP UP TO THE PLATE!

Looks like Vida gets a pass on the mass of the, erm, rump.

Hmmm! This is depressing! I know, lets check out the beach, boardwalk and town of Belmar, NJ. Gotta be a little steat on the street down there, wouldn't you think?



OH, DEAR...




WHY, THIS IS JUST AWFUL!


TUT, TUT!


SADLY, I FEAR, NO EARTH MOTHER HERE.




Gee. What about Walmart?


THAR SHE BLOWS! NOW WE'RE TALKIN'!


You just have to seek the proper venue. Let us delve deeper into the matter!



NOW WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE!

WHOOF!

STEAT MEAT IF E'RE THERE WAS!

Now Lets check so called celebrities, shall we?

Examine, if you will, one Sophie Vergera:


SOPHIE VERGERA? SADLY, A NO-STEAT SEAT.
 


Or Sophie Turner, while we are on the subject of Sophies?







HMM. WHAT IS THIS POST ABOUT AGAIN?

Sadly we must conclude that Ms. Turner lacks steat.

Olympian steat? Impossible!


CLOSE BUTT NO CIGAR

Okay lets wrap this up; we're all getting a little behind in our work. What about the most over-exposed rump of all? Steat, or no steat?


I THINK NO KARDASHIANIC STEAT ON
DISPLAY HERE...
 


HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM!

THE LOLLYPOP IS STEATOPYGIAN FOR SURE.


Enough! Now you know what S is for. What you are probably wondering is why?


*Yes I know, males display these characteristics too.





IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER!!! This post will offend nearly everyone. If you are a woman, a child, steatopygian, politically correct, metro sexual, silly, overly sensitive, a Wal-Mart shopper, or a member of any government agency or are employed by any human resources department or law firm of any kind:


DO NOT VIEW THIS POST!

Thank you.



    

3 comments:

Glory Lennon said...

Just a thought but perhaps the disclaimer ought to go up first, butt what do I know? ;)

Shawn Yankey said...

I LOVE that the disclaimer is last! Beautiful post! A++
Brand new follower, Shawn at Laughing at Life 2 & Reading Practice

Raymond Alexander Kukkee said...

Mac, I hate to butt in here,,,er,,,wait, no, I don't mind. GREAT post and historically accurate too. ":)