The Shed

The Shed
The Shed

Sunday, December 8, 2013

The New in Review

"Farm Girl", said Uncle Mac, "Do you remember back at the end of March we let the readers know about the new varieties of veggies we were going to try out for 2013? Did we ever update them with the outcome?"

"Yes, I remember, and no, I don't believe we did. Wasn't really a lot to tell them, if you think about it."

FARM GIRL


"I don't recall seeing those round red turnips we were looking forward to. What happened there?"

"Hard to say", Farm Girl said. "They sprouted perfectly in spring, the greens grew nicely - if you remember we had a mess of them one night, but the turnips just never developed, not even to the size of small marbles. We tried again in fall in this time the leaves wilted away half grown."

"I don't know what happened."

"Bugs?" queried Uncle M.

"Nope."

"Bunnies?"

"Uh uh."

"Bugs Bunny?"

"You really are an old fool." Observed Farm Girl, not without reason. "It has been 10 years since we did a soil test. I'm thinking it can't hurt."

"Which is exactly what I said when I wanted to try..."

"Let's not go into that!"

"Which is exactly what you said!"

"Arrggh!" said Farm Girl.

After a pause, Uncle Mac continued.

"Well then. How about the ingegnoli gigante tomatoes? I remember a cucumber-tomato-onion-black olive salad that was downright edible!"

"Edible. Nice of you to say. Yes, the iggies were fat, round, red and delicious and we saved seeds. But the crop was off. All greens and no tomatoes."

"Termaters!"  said Aunt Agnes.

"Pipe down!" said everyone present.

"Collards?" asked Mac.

"No" replied FG, " we seeded them 3 times, and none made it to over 6 inches, and as you know, six inches simply does not satisfy. We have always planted "Champion Collards" in the past and that is what we will do in the future. These "Georgia Southern" collards can stay in Georgia, for all of me."

"Agreed", said Uncle M, "Now, we also tried golden chard, and I remember having lots of that, and it was very good. I expect that's a keeper?"

"Absolutely", said Farm Girl, "not only tasty but a vigorous grower and extra healthful, even for chard. We have seed stock overwintering."

"Er", said Mac, "I don't recall seeing parsnips?"

Which is as good a place to end this post as any, before things get ugly.



Monday, December 2, 2013

Some Holiday Visitors, and a Little Gratuitous Skin.

"Did you see the morning mail?" Vida asked, scaling a square cream-colored envelope across the table to Uncle Mac. "It's from Lacey."

"Lacey?" said Uncle Mac, surprised. "Where is she that she has to use regular mail?"

He checked the return address but there was none. The address however, caught his attention.

"For Uncle M, unless he's snockered, in which case give to Farm Girl."

"What sort of address is that? And there are holes in this envelope too. How did this arrive, anyway?"

"Owl post." Vida said.





"Oh shit." said Uncle Mac, "She's looking for the primary Potter/Hogwarts timeline. She should at least have taken Millie with her. Lacey doesn't cope with magic well; too much faith in firepower."

"She did take Millie with her." Vida said, "In full sorceress mode too"

"Oh shit." repeated Uncle Mac.

"Now what, you profane old Coot?" queried Farm Girl, who had slithered in through the garden side door.

"I had my heart set on some of Millie's waffles." said the Coot, rocking back in his chair and slapping well padded ribs, "But Lacey shanghaied her way the hell and gone into outermost wormhole-ville. Looks like Duncan dog nuts again."

"Oh, I'm sure Farm Girl would be happy to warm something up for you." Vida G said innocently.

"What does the note say, anyway?" inquired Farm Girl, wagging a finger at Vida.

"Well lets see" said U-Mac and popped the old fashioned wax seal, "Hmmm. Hogwarts... Potter... Moody... weredragons... bullets ineffective  - hah! Told you... oh here we go."


LACEY DELACROIX


"She wants to know can her Mom and two sisters come for the Holidays. Hard to imagine Lacey having a mother. Do we know anything about these ladies?"


"Oh sure; bunch of Girl Scouts", said Farm Girl, sliding behind a keyboard, "I'll put them on the big screen."

"This is the little sister, Stacey..."



STACEY DELACROIX

"She looks like a nice sweet kid.", said Uncle M, "And look, she has her own cutlery, she can help Leatherface in the kitchen if she has a mind to."

"She's a master of make up and disguise. Try to imagine her as an 80 year old." said Vida G. 

"Can't"

"Try to imagine her naked." suggested Farm Girl.

"Schweet!" exclaimed Uncle Mac without thinking. 

"Really, Angus", said Farm Girl, "You are a warped and depraved trailer load of pond slime. And that is a scurrilous canard on slimes of all species, everywhere. That sweet and innocent little bit of scarlet fluff is none other Mother Forker, if the name means anything to you?"

"The Pitchfork Serial Killer?" said Uncle M, obviously surprised.

"None other!" said Vida.

"Wow!", exclaimed Uncle Mac, "What's the butchers bill up to these days?"

"Twenty two, but one is disputed." said Farm Girl, "One might be the work of a copy cat."


"Lacey's influence I guess", said Uncle Mac.

"Maybe", said FG, "but probably not. Remember, Lacey wasn't around much when Red here was growing up, and she was a good girl back then; an MP, a Seattle cop, a private investigator..."

"Stripper and bank robber don't forget." said Uncle Mac.

"Yes, but that was later on. I think big sister Tracey may be the culprit."

Farm Girl tapped a few keys.

"Christ on a Harley", said Uncle Mac, and his tone was reverential if his words were not.


TRACEY DELACROIX



"I thought you might say something like that. A freelance contract killer like Lacey, but with no scruples, no mercy, and no qualms about the target. And possibly the best with a rifle in the US."

Uncle Mac looked up. "Better than Lace?"

"Almost impossible to say, since neither one apparently ever misses."

"Better than me?" inquired Vida to an spontaneous outburst of hilarity from Uncle and FG, and also from Mallory who had floated over from some recess in the Shed to see what was causing the excitement.

"What?" said a petulant Vida, "I'm getting to be a very good shot, everybody says so!"

"What everybody says," said Uncle Mac, "when you aren't around, is that you couldn't hit a bull in the ass with a shotgun, if you were using it to check it's prostate. That's what everybody says, just to set the record straight."

"Oh I say old man! A trifle harsh don't you think?", interjected Mallory, ever the gentleman.

"But am I wrong?"

"Erm. No. I believe I heard our own Auntie A express some such sentiment right after Vida's difficulty with Victor."

"Difficulty? She missed Victor Romanov by a country mile!", said Uncle Mac.

"I...", said Vida.

"You missed him three times!"

"But...", said Vida.

"Once from 70 feet!"

"Yes...". said Vida.

"And you blew a hole through Violets house and she still has not stopped bitchin' about it!"

"Well", said Vida, "I need more practice!"

"We've been through this", said Farm Girl, "next is Momma Delacroix."

"A cookie bakin' homebody kind o' gal, is she?" said Uncle Mac, with no real hope of being correct.

"Sure." said Farm Girl and tapped a key, "If you like cookies made from gelignite and we're talking about St. Cecelia's Home for the Criminally Insane."


CASEY DELACROIX

"Meet Casey Delacroix, a veritable Betty Crocker." 

"Ah!", said Uncle Mac "Stacey's mom still got it goin' on! Well they look like a lovely family and I'm sure we'll be delighted."

He grabbed a pen, wrote "Y'all come" on the bottom of the note, stuffed the note in the envelope, taped it shut and spun it over to Vida G.

"I expect the owl is still hangin' around?"

"Exchanging pleasantries with Mrs. BobKat last I checked."

"Well give this back to him and send him on his way."

"C'mon George let's go get some donuts."

"Right-ho!"

And that is what they did.  








     

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

A Poet Receives a Bad Review

The printer stopped chattering, and the Shed grew uncustomarily quiet.

Uncle Mac glanced up from the sports section of the "North Jersey Liberal Bias" news and fish wrap. He had been reading the Green Bay Packers injury list. He had been at it for half an hour and was not in the sunniest of moods.

"What the hell is that?" he inquired, indicating the heap of paper in the printer catch tray with the stem of his pipe. 

"Ah", said Farm Girl, "Well may you ask!"

"I just did ask", Uncle Mac pointed out. "I was hoping for an answer."

"Well all right, Captain Surly", replied FG. "It's the collected poetic output of one Mac Pike, a poet who hails from North Jersey, just like we do!"

"A modern day Shakespeare, is he?"

"Umm no, not precisely", said Farm Girl, "More of a modern day Milo Fishbinder, or Emily C. Thwackwhistle."

"Who might they be?" inquired Delacroix from the corner, where she had been meticulously cleaning her latest acquisition, a Metaba-Unica .44 magnum autorevolver,* after an hour or so at the range.** "Never heard of either of them."


METABA UNICA SELF COCKING REVOLVER IN .44 MAG.


"My point exactly.", Farm Girl said, "Here, let me treat you to something:"



"A long, long time ago
I can still remember how a big old pickerel made me grin
Then I went off to college jist, to be an ichthyologist

 
(At this, Uncle Mac flinched)
 
 Thought I’d be happy working for a fin.
 
(Delacroix rolled her eyes)

 But Name That Fishy made me quiver
What’s on my line? Caused me to shiver.
Bad news ‘bout the oarfish,
I just can’t take no more fish!"

"Gawd", said Unc, "He rhymes 'jist' with 'Ichthyologist'? That's unconscionable. "

"And that 'fin' pun!" said an obviously affronted Delacroix. "What's the rest of it?"

"That's all there is, there ain't no more. But what there is could be sung to 'Bye Bye Miss American Pie', if you had the hankerin' to do so."

"I do not hanker thus, why that is an atrocious bit of work! And the damned thing leads nowhere, there is no concluding statement! Do you have anything better in that heap?"


"Nope. In fact that may be the pick of the litter."

"You said he's local, can you narrow that down a bit?" said Lacey.

"I think so", said FG.

There was much clattery of keys.

"That can't be right", she muttered, and the clattering resumed.

She stared at the screen. "He's a neighbor! We could walk to his house!"


Lacey commenced reloading the Metaba.

"Maybe I should." mused Delacroix

"Normally I don't hold with killing off the neighbors", said Uncle M, "but in this case..."

"It would be a mercy." Delacroix concluded for him. "What's that address, Stephanie?"

Farm girl read it out.

"Woof!" said Lacey, "Definitely too close for comfort. I'll be back in a half hour give or take."

She departed through the Orchard-side door.

The door reopened and leaning in, Delacroix said, using her best Arnold Schwarzenegger voice:***

"I'll be beck." 


*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyDlXt73vXo

**The valley just over the back ridge

*** Which is frankly awful. It sounds like Werner Von Braun with a lung full of helium gas

Monday, November 4, 2013

Agnes passes a test, of sorts

It was a slow day at the shed, the first frost had happened overnight and no one really wanted to be outdoors in the cold. The cast iron combination cooking and heating stove was throwing off a pleasant warmth and the folks who were present tended to stay close by.

Farm Girl leaned back in Uncle Mac's disreputable ancient easy chair. She had her feet up on the table and was reading a magazine as she waited for her toenail polish to dry.

"Kids really have it easy today", she observed, "probably too easy. I'm looking at a test for third graders from around 1888 and they wanted them to write a sentence using the word, 'Ergo', demonstrating comprehension of it's meaning. What third grader could do that today?"


YOU WERE HOPING FOR A PEEK AT
FARM GIRL DRYING HER TOENAIL POLISH,
WEREN'T YOU, YOU LECHER. BUT INSTEAD
YOU GET AUNT AGNES, TREATING HER
DRY THROAT.



"Hell that's easy," said Agnes, "Any damned fool can do that' un."

Farm Girl peered at her over the magazine.

"Ok, Aggie. What have you got?"

"Well", said Agnes, stopping to take a pull on her longneck, "How about: 'Right about now I don't know if I should stay er go?' "

"Sound about right?"

"Oh, about." said Farm Girl and wiggled her toes.
  

Sunday, October 20, 2013

An Unnecessary Interruption

A quiet afternoon around the shed. Uncle Mac was trying to find the Packers' game on TV; Farm Girl was filing her nails.

"I haven't seen Leatherface around lately." she said.

"You know," said Uncle M, "you're right. He's hard to miss and usually underfoot. He went after Victor I think. Maybe..."

The garden side door burst open at that point and the irrepressible Vida G burst in wearing full gardening attire and carrying a basket filled with what could only be the last of the Swiss chard.




"Hey!" she said, "What delicious and healthful green vegetable is always overcooked?" 

Farm Girl and Mac gaped at her.

"Chard!" she said, and exited through the orchard door, evidently en route to the now Leatherfaceless kitchen in the main house.

Farm Girl and Uncle M exchanged glances.

The orchard door opened again. Vida reappeared.

"That's my veggie joke. I'm making up a whole bunch of 'em."


The door swung nearly shut, then popped back open.

"I might try stand up!"

Uncle Mac nodded. Farm Girl finger-wiggled a good bye.

The door closed.

"I blame myself." said Mac.

"So do I." said Farm Girl.


Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Sproiiing!

"Farm Girl", said Uncle Mac, "This has been a terrible gardening year. What did we actually wind up with? Kale? Chard? When is the last time collards failed? 1650?"



"I wasn't around in 1650." Farm Girl reminded him. "You might ask Millie. But cheer up! The garlic looks good; the cloves we put in a week or so ago popped up unexpectedly."

"In a few weeks we can dry Agnes out for a day and let her cover the new shoots with straw for extra protection."



Uncle regarded Farm Girl speculatively.

"You know, speaking of unexpected pop-ups..."

Farm Girl tried to look indignant but failed miserably.

"Hay loft, you Old Goat?" she queried.

"Hay loft would be fine." replied the Old Goat.




Monday, July 15, 2013

Farm Girl's Corner - Goin' fishin'

"Wow!" exclaimed Farm Girl, "That cold water is a real eye opener when it hits your hoo-hoo!


 
 
 
 
"You just said, 'hoo-hoo' ", observed Delacroix, "and with a straight face."
 
"Yes", said Farm Girl primly. "You don't want me to be crude do you? This is a family site."
 
 
"First of all you're a grown woman, second, it isn't a family site! Nobody visits this site. Not families, not crooked politicians to use a redundancy, not dirty old men in third floor walk up apartments in Hoboken." said Delacroix, "You want to say the P word, say it! C word? Who could possibly have a problem with that? You have to be reading content before you can start bitching about content. How about vag? I think vag is ok?
 
"Vag is ok. I'll stick to hoo-hoo, though."
 
"Stick to your sheets if that's what you want. What are you doing, anyway?"
 
"Trying to catch every fish mentioned at  "http://www.bubblews.com/pulses/171475-namethatfishy" which would be a feather in my cap."

"Why do you want feathers in your cap?"

"I don't want feathers in my cap! What I really want to do is read all the entries at "http://www.mygardeningnetwork.com/ ", the best gardening site on the web.

"Oh I see", said Delacroix, "well who wouldn't?" 
 
 


Saturday, July 13, 2013

The Best Gardening Site on the Web

Howwwwwdeeee! I'm Farm Girl and today on Farm Girl's Cor..


NOT FARM GIRL


"Hold it just a darn minute!", said the real Farm Girl. "You're not Farm Girl. You're Vida G. Roving Reporter for the shed. What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'm Farm Girl.", said Farm Girl, reasonably.

YEP. IT'S FARM GIRL.


"I'm Farm Girl!", said Aunt Agnes, boozily.

"I'm Spartacus!" said Mallory, as he walked in the door with Millie Quackenbush and a badly depleted sack of fresh donuts.

"Shut, it, George. Agnes, go play in traffic. Hiya Millie, what's in the sack?"

"And Vida what the hell were you up too?"

"I was going to do a Farm Girls Corner, I thought you were on vacation?"

"I was on vacation. Me and the old goat went Mosasaur fishing back in the late Cretaceous. Caught a worlds record Hainosaurus as a matter of fact."

"Heinous sores? Caught 'em from Uncle Mac I bet. Did you try Neosporin?", contributed Agnes.

"Agnes! Put a sock in it! Okay, Vida, what was the corner going to be about?"

"Just this", said Vida, punching up a site on the computer, "The best damned gardening site on the web."

Every one gathered around.


http://www.mygardeningnetwork.com/

"Oh I say!" said Mallory, "that's bloody impressive!"

"Hmmmmph." Hmmmmphed Farm Girl, "Yes it is. But what makes them better than us?"

"No Agnes." said Vida.

"We're screwed.", said Farm Girl.
  

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Agnes is a happy gal

Delacroix strode in the shed door, the one on the side facing Millie's orchard. The big Lapua .338 was neatly tucked under her right arm.

"Who's dead?" inquired Uncle Mac, who was de-podding rutabaga seeds at the crude picnic table.

"No one you'd know", said Delacroix, tossing a bag of recovered brass on the table. "I was just checking the piece out after Twinkle Toes used it. It seems pretty much ok"

"By Twinkle Toes you mean Vida?"

"The very twinkler I had in mind." Lacey said.

"You lent her that freakin' cannon? What for?"

"I didn't lend her a damn thing. She "borrowed" it. Took it to Catulpa Valley and tried to eradicate that twit Victor. Admirable idea of course but she missed him three times clean, once from 70 yards. 70 yards! Blew a hole the size of the national debt through Violet's house in the bargain."

"What did you do to her?" asked Mac, sounding as if he'd rather not know.

"We had a conversation about borrowing other peoples weapons. I think next time, she'll ask first."

"At least there'll be a next time. You're mellowing in your old age."

There came an unexpected interruption from the garden, a protracted screech, fifty percent ululation, fifty percent triumphal bleat. One hundred percent unpleasant.

Uncle M flinched.

"What the hell is up with Agnes?" he said.

"Haven't you heard? She got herself a little head, and wants the entire world to know about it"

Delacroix looked closely at Uncle Mac. She had seem him angry, annoyed,  and irritated. She had seen him euphoric, moderately pleased and positively ecstatic. She had seen a look of boozy lust lighting up his whiskery mug as he followed Farm Girl to the nearest hay stack. But she had never before witnessed anything like the rictus of horror that clung like a death mask to his suddenly bloodless face as the import of her announcement sunk in.

"I expect she'll be in to tell you about it any second now."


"Yeeee-haaaa!"

Agnes Dalrymple exploded through the garden side door:




"Look'ee here Mac, at whut I done! I took a pitcher for yew!"

"No!" said Uncle M hoarsely, clapping his hands over his eyes. "get the hell away from me you aberration! I won't look"

"Well watcher...don't yew want to see mah cabbage whut I growed?"

A semi-stifled snort of what might have been laughter* emerged from Delacroix's vicinity.

"Cabbage?" whispered Mac.

The fingers clasped to his face parted marginally. A bloodshot eye focused on the Polaroid** which Agnes thrust at him, beaming.




"She's real little now but soon we can berl 'er up with corn' beef and make some 'tater salad!"

" 'Tater salad." said Uncle Mac.

"Yup!" said Agnes

"Very nice, Agnes. Now maybe you should go water it, or weed it. Or something."

"Okee Dokey!

And Agnes wandered aimlessly away.

Uncle M looked accusingly at Lacey, who smiled serenely back.

"Ten AM." he said, reaching under the table for the ever-present Napoleons' brandy. "the sun, somewhere, has to be over a yard arm."

                               ***************************

*Hard to tell, coming from Lacey.

**From the last functioning camera, nearly as old as Agnes herself.






Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Farm Girl's Corner - First crop and an important tip

Hey there, people, Farm Girl here! You know me, I help out Uncle Mac around the Shed and the garden and what have you. Why, just this morning Uncle M gave me a look and said,

"Slide on over here, I've a mind to plant something."

And once that was taken care of we went out and put in some tomato plants.



FARM GIRL

But that's not why I'm here. I'm here to show you our first crop from the spring planting, not the greens that over wintered.

And here it is!

FRESH AS CAN BE!

Oh I know it doesn't seem like much but from such humble beginnings springs a successful garden. And were they crunchy and good!

And now, just a wee word, a small matter of nomenclature if you will:

These are Swedes:



And that, a rutabaga with a few of his chums:



Confusing the two could make for a disappointing weekend.

That's it for now. Thanks for visiting Farm Girls Corner and stop back soon!

(Agnes is up to something...)

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

The voyages of Turnip the Red

Howdy! It's Aunt Agnes here and I'm as happy as Bill Clinton with a properly cured cigar!

LOOKS A BIT LIKE A DOG-END
HERSELF, DOES SHE NOT?

We told yew all earlier that we'd be keepin' an eye on some new veggies this year and one of them veggies were gonna be red turnips. They's spose'd to look like this here:


lI'L BITTY FELLERS, AIN'T THEY?

But ours are still growing, greens only 9 -10 inches so far but they's doin' good. Ours look like yonder:


 RIGHT HANDSOME AIN'T THEY IF A MITE SCRAWNY


They's jist fixin' to ball up and that means we have to thin them but we's waitin' on that t'il the last minute so we can sample a pot o' red beet greens, we bet they's good.

We only put in a few because they grow best as a fall crop but it's enough to tell yew all about.

Thanks for stoppin' by and check back soon for more info on the continuing voyage of Turnip the Red!

Sunday, May 19, 2013

FARM GIRL'S CORNER - Never buy seeds again!

Farm Girl here and we're going to walk you through the garden cycle of cucumbers step by step, as we show you how to create your own home grown seed inventory. Your own brand of heirloom seeds, if you will, to pass down through the family. To swap with friends and neighbors, to sell here and there.

FARM GIRL AND FRIEND


What fun, how practical, and what a nice cost saver to boot!
 
And, you can thumb your nose at Monsanto for a while as well or at least until they buy a few more Senators. Then, in the interest of public safety Department of Homeland Security bulldozers will scrape up every last home garden and jail known seed hoarders.

But relax and have fun that's still two or three years down the road, boys and girls!

Now, Constant Reader, I'm certain that you recall my detailed instructions on saving cucumber seeds which I tapped out for you last fall but just in case we have a new reader (postulating an infinite universe it could happen, I suppose) the topic is covered here in Part 1, Part 2 and predictably enough, Part 3.

But, to summarize:

FIND AN ELDERLY, YELLOWED CUKE OR TWO AND SAVE IT/THEM INDOORS UNTIL IT IS SOFTENED, BUT NOT TOTALLY DECOMPOSED.



BREAK THE CUCUMBER OPEN WITH YOUR FINGERS, SEPARATE THE SEEDS FROM EVERYTHING ELSE TO THE EXTENT POSSIBLE WITHOUT DAMAGING THE SEEDS.
 
Place the seeds and the pulp which adheres to them in a clean glass or plastic container, or an old crock with room temperature water and leave for at least 3 days or until the seeds have sunk to the bottom. Be sure to cover the crock and to check the contents and stir it daily.
 


SEEDS STILL FLOATING, NOT YET READY TO REMOVE AND DRY.
 
 
When the seeds are all at the bottom, remove, rinse, air dry for two or three weeks in a single layer. Store dried seeds in a paper envelope properly labeled until it is time to think of planting cucumbers once again.
 
Do you start your cucumbers indoors? New cucumbers, whether started in pots or directly seeded into the garden begin where our old, yellowed cukes left off, with saved seeds.
 
A WELL DRIED VIABLE GROUP OF SEEDS, READY TO POT OR PLANT
 
 
 
 



PLANT A FEW SEEDS 1/2" DEEP PER POT
 
 
A LITTLE TIME YIELDS HEALTHY SEEDLINGS
 
FIND A NICE PATCH OF SOIL AGAINST THE FENCE, DIG DEEP AND TURN IT WELL
 
ADD GENEROUS AMOUNTS OF SIFTED COMPOST

 
ALSO ADD EPSOM SALT FOR MAGNESIUM AND CRUSHED EGG SHELLS FOR CALCIUM, ALL CRUSHED FINE, A HANDFUL PER PLANT WELL WORKED IN
 
MAKE A HOLE LARGER THAN THE POT, FILL IT WITH WATER, LET THAT DRAIN AND THEN GENTLY REMOVE THE PLANTS FROM THE POT, PLACE THEM IN THE HOLE AND COVER, WATER AGAIN.
SAFE IN THEIR NEW HOME

 


A LITTLE FOLIAR FISH AND SEAWEED EMULSION WHEN FLOWERING BEGINS GIVES A BOOST OF ENERGY AND IMPROVES YIELD.

 
 


CRUNCHY DELICIOUS LADIES KNIGHT CUCUMBERS, OUR OWN HOUSE CUCUMBER HERE AT UNCLE MAC'S
 
And really, other than yes, you must weed, water and trellis this is all you need know, not only to grow great cucumbers but also to grow them year after year, from the same initial packet of seeds.
 
Thanks for visiting Farm Girl's corner!

Monday, April 29, 2013

Y is for Yam. Or possibly, "Yambag"

Some of you folks confuse yams and sweet potatoes. We wonder Y?


TINY WEE LITTLE SWEET POTATOES

These are sweet potatoes. They come from South America and are related to lilies.


We don't want any little wimpy assed sweet potatoes. We want a big burly Yam! Yams come from Africa and are related to morning glories.


THERE AM A YAM THAT AM A YAM!

Folks get passionate about yams. Popeye for instance:


ITS EASY TO SEE HIS DEPTH OF EMOTION VIS A VIS THINGS YAMMISH


Henry the Eighth, a passionate gatherer of yams, seemed to feel that doing so was his right as ruler of the land an all its peoples.


"I'M 'ENERY THE EIGHTH. I YAM"


No less a luminary than Rene Descartes felt that essential existance and proof thereof, depended on the noble vegetable:


"I THINK. THEREFORE, I YAM"

Personally, what can I add, folks? Except to observe that this is the A to Z bloggery challenge, and that I for one yam glad that it is nearly finished.






Sunday, April 28, 2013

New use for an old vegetable!

No, not this old vegetable. There's not much use for her.




"Howdy! Aunt Agnes here and Ah'm happier'n a pig in sh slops! We found us a new use for an old veggie and it's right tasty!"

"Last year some of our Brussels sprouts failed to ripen before the frost got to 'em and so we just left them there in the garden. Now, although they started growing agin' this spring they won't ever produce sprouts yew can eat before the heat gets to 'em, not in this zone." 

"What we did was pick all the new tender leaves."



"We tried 'em two ways, steamed and also sauteed in olive oil and then served with butter, lemon juice, salt an pepper. They tasted really fine, especially the sauteed ones. And being brassicas they's good for yew as well!"

 


"So jist keep this in mind next time yer sprouts don't sprout in time. Thank yew for stoppin' by at Uncle Mac's, y'all come back soon!"

Friday, April 26, 2013

W is for Wee tiny veggies

Anyone can grow big vegetables. Here at Uncle Mac's Garden Shed and free fire zone we like to grow the tiniest of vegetables. Here is what we had on April 20th (Just 10 days prior to April May Maples Eve).


WEE TINY KALE


BEETLETS OF THE MINISCULE PERSUASION


SWISS CHARD TOO TINY TO YODEL


Sadly, sooner or later the babies will grow up. They'll be talking back, borrowing the car without asking, cooking meth, banging cocktail waitresses two at a time, (or they will be cocktail waitresses, banging meth cookers).

If only they could stay this size forever.


W IS ALSO FOR: "WE HAD THIS FLOWER TOO."