The Shed

The Shed
The Shed

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

A bad start in the garden

Farm Girl oozed charmingly through the Shed’s garden side doorway. She tugged off her earth stained gloves and tossed them in the corner. She approached the lopsided picnic table where Uncle Mac was using his lap top to study potential first round draft picks for the Green Bay packers in the upcoming NFL draft.

He noticed Farm Girls angst.


“The spinach is stuck.” She said.

“Stuck?” said Unc

“The beets becalmed, the chard is checked, the kale, comatose, the radishes reluctant and as for the turnips!”

“What about the turnips?”

“Torpid!” said Farm Girl.

“Say it ain’t so!”

“It ain’t so”, said Vida G, entering through the same doorway which FG had used. “But I’m afraid it is all true. The veggies are kaput.”

She was looking unusually sweet, clad in cute sandals, spray on jeans and a lightweight pink sweatshirt captioned “Born to Jiggle.”

“Is kaput a real word?” asked Uncle M.

“Yeah kinda”, said Vida, “Heepy will be along directly to correct the spelling. What’s with the lethargic legumes and the enervated eggplant?”

“Neither of which are planted yet.” observed Farm Girl.

“I know. I just like illiteration.”

“Alliteration.” said Uncle Mac.

“Not when Vida tries it.” said Farm Girl.


“Calm yourselves ladies,” said Uncle Mac, “all will be well. It is going to rain gently overnight and be sunny and 70° for at least the next three days. That will revive the dormant dill and all the rest. You’ll see.”

“But”, he waggled an admonitory and somewhat crooked finger, “it will also perk up the weeds. So I’ll need you two plus the old battleaxe…”

“I resemble that!” croaked the haystack.

“…and get Mallory and the Ripper to help. You’ll be done in no time.”

“And what do you plan on doing while all this weeding is going on?” asked Vida.

“With any luck, Milly.” Said Uncle M

Farm Girl crossed her arms over her ample bosom.

“You are, beyond any shadow of a doubt, the vilest, most degenerate old sod I have ever…” her voice trailed off.

“had the misfortune to meet.” finished Vida.

“Whut they said.” added the haystack.