The Shed

The Shed
The Shed

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

THE CHILDRENS HOUR, WITH LEATHERFACE - An appeal for help!

Hallo everyone, its your favorite cut up and baby sitter Leatherface! Usually I run little educational snippets for the kiddies on how to control garden pests and other things but today, I've asked all the parents here because we are having trouble with an old nemesis that we really have had little success controlling in the past. We thought someone might have a helpful suggestion. Help yourself to the beans, weenies and fixin's on the sideboard before we get down to biz here.

Whats that, Mrs. Quackenbush? Nathan's weenie? Well one might have been a Nathan it's so difficult to keep track over the years.



Know your varmint: Here she is folks, the bane of our existence here at the shed. We don't who she is, because we can't catch her to ask so we just call her Pineapple Girl. I can tell you, this is about the only glimpse of her we ever get, scooting around a corner - she's abnormally quick for a short little woman - usually with our best pineapple in her mitts and a goofy grin - well represented here I think - on her face.

Once she scoots around a corner she disappears completely, not even footprints left behind, or a scent for the wolves to pick up. This leads us to think she has found at least one of the worm holes in the garden (not the ones made by our slimy little garden allies) which makes her more difficult to contend with than say, hungry raccoons which although undoubtedly clever little beasts are not noted for their ability to manipulate space-time.

Yes, question, Mallory? How do we manage to grow pineapples here in North Jersey? We like
pineapples, my friend. And we are gardening wizards after all, aren't we? Have another weenie?

Live traps don't work, electrified fencing doesn't work, predator pee - well I leave it to you. Dusts, sprays, CD's on string, pah! She sneezes at them.


Uncle Mac says she can't outrun a bullet but, despite the bizarre trophies he brings home now and then, I don't see him loading the ol' Springfield.

She doesn't confine herself merely to pineapples; eggplant, butternut squash and Kossack kohlrabi seem to be on her list as well. She snatched our biggest Burgermeister Grande termato last summer on a dead run, just as farm girl was about to pick it! A two legged scourge!

We that's it for today, folks, put your heads together and see if you can help us solve the Pineapple Girl Mystery, you might win a valuable prize! (If you consider 10 lbs of Uncle Mac's Special Compost valuable, that is.) As always, thank you for visiting here at The Children's Hour!

5 comments:

Glory Lennon said...

What a quandary! I’ve never seen her in the Poconos, so I haven’t a clue what to do about her. She’s at least cute….for an absurdly short woman. And how do you know she's short?

Raymond Alexander Kukkee said...

You know what, Mac, hmmm.... that Pineapple girl looks a lot like Glory Lennon doesn't she? About the same height, kind of short, cute as hell, same pineapple, same impish grin?
Did you notice that Mac? She says she's never seen her in the Poconos, that's just to throw you off the trail, I guess. Now that would be a quandary for sure!
I got an idea, just ask Pineapple Girl if her name is Glory by any chance.....hehe....":)

Mac Pike said...

Well Glory, we know she's short, because we see her scooting around the corner with our stuff! Ray, she could be Glory but you'd think we'd notice that --- also Glory has no need to swipe our produce, having so much of her own. There is a tentative plan of action on the drawing board just gotta iron out the wrinkles...

Be a great story if it was Glory tho'...

Glory Lennon said...

You silly boys! LOL Actually, I have been very negligent in planting veggies this year so I may have to resort to swiping produce...not a confession, mind you! Where would I find a pineapple to swipe?

Mike W said...

Mac, I will get right on that quantum worm hole thingermergigger as soon as I finish fixing the time traveler box and can talk to my good friend Albert. I'm sure we can set up a looping string theory thing and trap pineapple girl with tomaters in hand and pineapples in um.. yeah anyway I'm sure it isn't Glory since you aren't missing any seeds from the shed.