Tuesday, January 1, 2013
FARM GIRLS CORNER - VIOLET DID WHAT?!
Hi! Farm Girl here and I'm back from researching a big post on garden design, and what to my wondering eyes should appear?
The entire shed crew with a surfeit of beer. They were gathered around the computer staring in slack jawed amazement at the screen. This is an unusual sight, we don't use 'puters much, this one is generally tucked away.*
Mac waved his pipe** in the general direction of the screen.
"It's the 443rd Chapter of "Violets in Bloom" he said. "Come and see! In a startling development..."
"Violet has took a fistful o' credit cards down to the Victoria's Secretions store and bought hersef some o' them crotchless panties!" interrupted Agnes.
"Secret!" exclaimed Delecroix, "Victoria's Secret!"
"What!?" I said, hustling over to look. "It's more than that putz Victor deserves!"
"I bet he's got lots of 'em, that poofter." Jack contributed.
"Yeah and the hole's in the back.", added Uncle, rather ungenerously I thought.
"Anyway it's about time", said Millie. "that broad's got to be pushing thirty if she's a day."
"Pushed past it a while ago." interjected Delacroix. "We've met. I was nineteen when I got my first."
"Twenty three." I volunteered.
"Twenty something." added Millie, "it was a few years back and I don't remember exactly."
We glanced expectantly at Vida G, who had turned a remarkable but flattering shade of crimson. She mumbled something that sounded like sixteen but we couldn't be sure.
"Two!" piped up Agnes, waggling her LoneStar.
"But don't getcher knickers in a knot we wuz dirt poor an' everthin' Ah wore had holes in it."
Leatherface shuddered noticably, apparently the victim of an unwanted visual.
A thought came to me.
"Is this the "real" Violet's in Bloom, authored by our very dear if vertically challenged gardening buddy in Moose Balls, Pa?", I asked, for I suspected that it was not.
"Spot on Old Girl!", boomed Mallory, "No pulling the wool over yours I see. In fact...(Here he leaned forward and tapped the keyboard) this is the literary rendering of one Glorious Lemon, 3 years uptime relative to us, and 33,656 universes - or is it universi? - to what would be the right of ours, if such coordinates in fact had any meaning."
"What happens next?" I asked.
"We don't know.", replied Mac. "It's a very short chapter. We'll have to check back . A filthy job..."
"But it has to be done!" We said, almost in unison.
"And speaking of jobs", segued Uncle Mac adroitly, "we have a garden to plan. Let's get to it!"
And so we did. If you stumbled upon this post by accident you are probably wondering what in the world our blog has to do with vegetable gardening. Quite a bit as a rule; it's just that it wanders astray now and again and has to be beaten back into line with a length of pipe***.
Stop back soon, why don't you, and see what develops at Farm Girl's Corner? (I have a feeling it just might be garden design...)
*There is a rope hanging by the door of the ammo locker, give it a sharp pull and a section of wall plank with keyboard and mouse assembly attached drops down, exposing a largish flat screen monitor. Strange whirring, gurgling noises in the wall indicate that the 'puter is booting, or that Blinky is in intestinal distress.
**The one he uses for smokin'.
***Much like Leatherface.