Y is for Yam. Or possibly, "Yambag"

Some of you folks confuse yams and sweet potatoes. We wonder Y?

TINY WEE LITTLE SWEET POTATOES

These are sweet potatoes. They come from South America and are related to lilies.


We don't want any little wimpy assed sweet potatoes. We want a big burly Yam! Yams come from Africa and are related to morning glories.

THERE AM A YAM THAT AM A YAM!

Folks get passionate about yams. Popeye for instance:

ITS EASY TO SEE HIS DEPTH OF EMOTION VIS A VIS THINGS YAMMISH

Henry the Eighth, a passionate gatherer of yams, seemed to feel that doing so was his right as ruler of the land an all its peoples.

"I'M 'ENERY THE EIGHTH. I YAM"

No less a luminary than Rene Descartes felt that essential existance and proof thereof, depended on the noble vegetable:

"I THINK. THEREFORE, I YAM"

Personally, what can I add, folks? Except to observe that this is the A to Z bloggery challenge, and that I for one yam glad that it is nearly finished.

New use for an old vegetable!

No, not this old vegetable. There's not much use for her.

"Howdy! Aunt Agnes here and Ah'm happier'n a pig in sh slops! We found us a new use for an old veggie and it's right tasty!"

"Last year some of our Brussels sprouts failed to ripen before the frost got to 'em and so we just left them there in the garden. Now, although they started growing agin' this spring they won't ever produce sprouts yew can eat before the heat gets to 'em, not in this zone." 

"What we did was pick all the new tender leaves."

"We tried 'em two ways, steamed and also sauteed in olive oil and then served with butter, lemon juice, salt an pepper. They tasted really fine, especially the sauteed ones. And being brassicas they's good for yew as well!"

 

"So jist keep this in mind next time yer sprouts don't sprout in time. Thank yew for stoppin' by at Uncle Mac's, y'all come back soon!"

W is for Wee tiny veggies

Anyone can grow big vegetables. Here at Uncle Mac's Garden Shed and free fire zone we like to grow the tiniest of vegetables. Here is what we had on April 20th (Just 10 days prior to April May Maples Eve).

WEE TINY KALE

BEETLETS OF THE MINISCULE PERSUASION

SWISS CHARD TOO TINY TO YODEL

Sadly, sooner or later the babies will grow up. They'll be talking back, borrowing the car without asking, cooking meth, banging cocktail waitresses two at a time, (or they will be cocktail waitresses, banging meth cookers).

If only they could stay this size forever.

W IS ALSO FOR: "WE HAD THIS FLOWER TOO." 

U is for Unimpressive

And this post is surely that; it's about underarms,

 

 

 

Of various configurations

And undersea boats,

That looks like fun, speaking of fun it's about Terry Pratchett's Uberwald, a fun place to visit,

And for underwear, for Violets to bloom in.

Impressed? I didn't think so.

T is for Toad House

"Ah, summertime and the wimmens are sleazy!"

"What's that?"

"Livin' is easy?"

"Hmmm. Must have misheard the lyrics; it happens. An entire pseudo-science has grown up around the phenomenon of misheard lyrics, called 'mondogreenology'."

Well anyway summertime, and the garden is bursting with veggies! Problem is, it's also bursting with bugs!

ICK!

And slugs!




YUCH!

Really, it's depressing. Let one wee collard show it's leafy butt and bugs and slugs are all over it like the Administration on a taxpayer dollar!

What to do?

Why get help, of course! Recruit some toads. They eat slugs AND bugs and leave your hard earned money strictly alone!

MR. TOAD
(WHO WE SHOULD NEVER, EVER, DISCOMMODE)

It's easy enough to put Mr. Toad in the garden, but what is to prevent the contrary beast from hippity hopping out?

Nothing!

So give the we critter what he or she wants. A pan full of frequently changed water at ground level so that they may hydrate the toadly hide, AND...

A TOAD HOUSE!
 

Yes, a Toad House, or Hostel if you prefer, to keep our warty friends out midsummer heat during scorching weather. Easily cobbled together out of miscellaneous bric-a-brac. Or in this case simply bric. Always put them on the shady side of the raised beds or whatever.

HERE'S ANOTHER ONE

Mr. Toad? What do you think of all this?

" Well Ah woke up dis mo'nin' Ah, et mahsef a bug!
Yeah Ah woke up dis mo'nin' an 'Ah et mahsef a bug!
Goin' to the Toad House, gonna have a juicy...slug!"


Well there you have it ladies and gentlemen, straight from the hopper's mouth. And that is why "T" is for "Toadhouse", and not for the tillerman.

S is for...Steatopygian?

Yes it is. Steatopygian. There was ghetto booty well before there was a ghetto and we all remember the ancient National Geographic examples thereof.

Now, lest it be thought that anyone is mocking this body type we should hasten to point out that it is this form of femininity* which has been worshipped as the Earth Mother in many times, and in many lands. Thus, steatopygia was the very essence of feminine beauty as this pre-historic statuette so aptly displays.

BABY GOT BACK!

As does Ass Crack Rock, the neolithic monument located just outside of modern day Butte, Montana.

LOCATED ALL OVER THE NORTHWEST THE SPIRITUAL SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE MIGHTY MONOLITHIC  GLUTES HAS YET TO BE DETERMINED

Can we find our very own Earth Mothers in modern day America? Let us begin our quest right here at the shed. Oh, Farm Girl?

HMM. NO.

Better research thoroughly...




NO STEAT IN THAT SEAT!

Even when greeting the building inspector, we have to rule out Farm Girl as a modern day Earth Mother.

I GOT YOUR "LOCAL ORDINANCE" RIGHT HEAH!

No, we will have to look farther than Farm Girl for pre-historic perfection. 

Let's check out our roving reporter, Vida G. (Again!)

IT'S A DIRTY JOB

BUT DOG-GONE IT SOMEONE HAS TO STEP UP TO THE PLATE!

Looks like Vida gets a pass on the mass of the, erm, rump.

Hmmm! This is depressing! I know, lets check out the beach, boardwalk and town of Belmar, NJ. Gotta be a little steat on the street down there, wouldn't you think?

OH, DEAR...

WHY, THIS IS JUST AWFUL!

TUT, TUT!

SADLY, I FEAR, NO EARTH MOTHER HERE.

Gee. What about Walmart?

THAR SHE BLOWS! NOW WE'RE TALKIN'!

You just have to seek the proper venue. Let us delve deeper into the matter!




NOW WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE!

WHOOF!

STEAT MEAT IF E'RE THERE WAS!

Now Lets check so called celebrities, shall we?

Examine, if you will, one Sophie Vergera:

SOPHIE VERGERA? SADLY, A NO-STEAT SEAT.
 

Or Sophie Turner, while we are on the subject of Sophies?

HMM. WHAT IS THIS POST ABOUT AGAIN?

Sadly we must conclude that Ms. Turner lacks steat.

Olympian steat? Impossible!

CLOSE BUTT NO CIGAR

Okay lets wrap this up; we're all getting a little behind in our work. What about the most over-exposed rump of all? Steat, or no steat?

I THINK NO KARDASHIANIC STEAT ON
DISPLAY HERE...
 



HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM!

THE LOLLYPOP IS STEATOPYGIAN FOR SURE.

Enough! Now you know what S is for. What you are probably wondering is why?


*Yes I know, males display these characteristics too.





IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER!!! This post will offend nearly everyone. If you are a woman, a child, steatopygian, politically correct, metro sexual, silly, overly sensitive, a Wal-Mart shopper, or a member of any government agency or are employed by any human resources department or law firm of any kind:


DO NOT VIEW THIS POST!

Thank you.



    

FARM GIRL'S CORNER - first crop

Hi there, Farm Girl here, welcome to Farm Girl's Corner. For those of you who might not remember, the Shed is located in Zone 6, northernmost New Jersey, and so you might be surprised to learn that we pulled our first crop today.




YOURS TRULY, F.G.

What in the world could that crop be, you may be wondering? Nothing but turnip greens of course! We had let some white turnips overwinter last season so that we could collect seeds this year but we decided, yuck, who wants white turnips, the yellow ones are so much tastier.

But there is nothing at all wrong with white turnip greens they are as good as any other. And they are a terribly healthful food as well. Agnes keeps eating them and may just possibly live forever as a result.

There's a downside to everything.




TURNIP GREENS

You may be wondering, but aren't turnip greens just trash to be thrown away?

Hell no, they are very tasty and 5 times more nutritious than the root, although the roots are alright too. You can read all about it right HERE but suffice it to say, if you want to suppress inflammation, the vitamin K content in a cupful of steamed turnip greens is not to be matched by any other commonly consumed vegetable.

A delicious and simple omelet can be yours when you chop a lot of turnip greens , chop some onions in with them and add enough egg to glue it all together. Of course you can add ham and mushrooms, seasonings up the gagootz etc. but that basic omelet is tasty and good for you as well.

And that's about all there is to say about our first crop. Thanks for stopping, bye!